The Departed and Employee of the Month

So the movie studios have coughed up their latest offerings for the weekend, the most prominent of which being The Departed and Employee of the Month (unless you count the flaming pile of Texas Chainsaw Massacre). The latter of the two mentioned above, Employee of the Month, stars Dane Cook, Andy Dick, and Jessica Simpson's breasts. The movie was lighthearted and had some very funny parts to it (most of which consisting of Dane Cook or Andy Dick being themselves), but as a whole don't pay to see it. If you haven't heard the plot, it's about two guys competing to get the employee of the month award all because Jessica Simpson's character will sleep with them if they do. It's a pretty amusing set up, and there are characters I'm sure you'll recognize (many from your life), but it just misses the mark. On the one hand you have to keep up with Mr. Cook and his nemesis's quick quips of humor and it is all good and dandy, but then they include less than stellar physical humor which just seems to baby the audience. And earlier, when I said Jessica Simpson's breasts, that wasn't some outward perverted comment, it's sadly true. Out of some strange twist of fate, all of Ms. Simpson's clothing has been cut right down the middle and all of her bras have been replaced by trap doors upon which her breasts fall out of. It's really ridiculous, but it's not like she has any idea what's going on. On the other side of the release list is The Departed. In an amazingly star studded cast of Matt Damon, Leo Decaprio, Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen and Mark Wahlberg, the movie knocks it out of the park. The story is as follows: there's a cop who's chosen to go undercover (Decaprio) to take out a mob boss in Boston (Nicholson) while at the same time the mob boss has a snitch in the police department (Damon). It's a very interesting set up, and allows for many high intensity chases and dialogue. It's all amazingly acted (mega-kudos to Decaprio, who I used to hate, for providing an amazing showing), well edited, and superbly scripted. When I say superbly scripted, I mean these guys not only sound like the inner-city cops from Boston, but they cuss like they're constantly being kicked in the nads. For those going to view the movie, Wahlberg's a treat. The dialogue involves the F-word being folded like a pretzel and thrown in the most unlikely places. Basically, if you have patience (it's 2 and a half hours long), enduring ears, and an extra ten bucks to spend, it's well worth it. My message to all of you not looking at either of these movies and still going out to the theater this weekend: please don't see Texas Chainsaw Massacre. If you'd like to see something outlandish and ridiculous, go to ask.com and imagine the Ask Jeeves butler guy in the context of Die Hard or Rambo. Atleast that's free. Over and out.